My Diet History, Part 2

I’m sorry I’m late getting this post up, I promised it Monday and it’s now Friday.  Note to self:  Stop promising posts on certain dates.    It’s been a long, busy and difficult week.  But it’s better now, so I’m back.

To recap my last post, I took a diet history of my first 20 years and discovered a few things, though I admit I didn’t figure them out at the time, it was only later I was able to see the lessons in my history.  I was going to recap those lessons and what I’ve learned are “my truths” in this post.

However, I’m having a terrible time with writing this post.  It’s growing awkward and far too long.   As I write about each lesson learned, I’ve got a whole ton of things to say on each one and it’s getting out of hand.  I think what might be best is for me to literally just recap my list and then use that as a jumping off point to do further blog posts later expounding on the finer details of what the lesson learned means to me and how it works in my life.  Otherwise I’ll be here for hours writing this and you guys are going to fall asleep before you finish reading it.

So… in no particular order, here is a probably incomplete list of the important things I’ve learned about weight loss and weight maintenance so far:

All or nothing-ism doesn’t work for me.  If this really is a life change, not just a temporary diversion from my obese life, then there has got to be room for mistakes, leeway and less than perfect. 

The negative can be more powerful than the positive.  Perhaps it’s not the healthiest way to operate, but the fear of regaining weight keeps me on plan far more effectively than the joy of being a healthy weight does.  I try to remind myself frequently that if I make enough wrong decisions, I can be 340 lbs again very soon.  That thought gets me back on track faster than anythng else.

I credit much of my success to the fact that my new healthy eating & exercise habits are my new normal.   I’m not sure when this happened, or why, and I’m pretty sure it’s not something you can will to happen or force yourself to believe.  It just happened after a while.  It might be connected with staying afraid of regaining my weight, I know I have to stay on track to stay thinner, so maybe I subconsciously gave up hope of being able to return to eating my old way and accepted the new habits.

Weight loss is easiest when I’m not feeling deprived or hungry.  I was very lucky to find low-carb.  It made all the difference for me.  I was able to lose most of my weight, down to about 200 lbs, by just changing what I ate, and not having to consciously reduce my intake or deprive myself.  I’m not sure I would have made it if I’d been fighting a food plan that didn’t work for me.  I think it’s imperative to lose weight on a food plan you enjoy, like and trust as being healthy.

Emotional eating can be okay.  This is part of the not being perfect thing from the all or nothing-ism premise.  I’m not going to waste more energy beating up on myself for not handling stress without reaching for food.  That just piles more stress on the stress I already  have.  As long as I have my healthy eating as my normal foundation, once the immediate stress passes, I’ll return to normal, healthy eating. 

My relationship with food is permanently screwed up.  After 30 years of massive obesity, self-loathing because of the weight and dieting, my relationship with food is messed up.  It isn’t going to be completely healed anytime soon, either.  I have issues with being hungry.  I have issues with feeling deprived.  I get upset if I’m hungry and can’t get food.  I get upset if I can’t control when I eat.  I overreact if I feel deprived of food.  I don’t bother trying to get to normal with food anymore.  It won’t work.  It’s better to accept and deal with the reality of it. 

I’m a pragmatist when it comes to my new life at a lower weight.  I’ve had to accept that, for me, I’ll always be an obese woman in a smaller body.  I’d love it if it was suddenly easy now that I’m thinner to stay here and to maintain my weight.  I’d love it if I never wanted to binge eat or never wanted unhealthy foods.  Who are these people that lose their sweet tooths?  But, that’s not me.  I’m like an fugitive from obesity, always on the lookout for the police that want to take me back to jail.